Women and Christmas

Christmas. It either brings out the best or the worst in women. There is the woman who buys gifts in August and is all done by September. Her baking is done by November and in the freezer. Her decorations are up the day after Thanksgiving. She takes her children caroling. She has gifts for the teachers, pastors, mail person, newspaper delivery person. On Christmas Eve she is calm, dressed impeccably, has everything ready for Christmas morning. You get the picture. Everything is done and looks so pretty. I am not that woman.

There is also the woman who is angry about all of the demands the holidays put on her life. The changes in her schedule. The strain on her budget. The expectations of family and friends. She would rather not participate. I am not this woman either.

I love the holidays. For me they start in August. We have several family birthdays from August through to October. Then comes Thanksgiving in November and then Christmas in December and then more birthdays in January. In spite of my best laid plans I am never as ready as I would like to be. More often than not things happen at the last minute.  But that is part of the fun. My son looks forward to the baking marathon. He helps his Dad put up the lights. We love the sparkle of the lights, the shine of the decorations, the deep reds and golds, and silvers.  Not everything gets put up. Not everything gets baked. Not all of the plans come to be. And it's ok.

All three of us are Christian Women. The Perfectionist, The Overwhelmed, and The Fly by the Seat of Her Pants. What I pray is we don't lose sight of what the celebration is all about. I know, I know the actual season Christ was born was Spring. I personally don't think the date is all that important. What IS important is to recognize the gift that God gave to mankind. We could debate the pagan origins of modern holidays. But what does that accomplish? In my humble opinion those debates detract and possibly dissuade people from believing in the miracle of Christ. For me Christmas is the beginning of Easter. God sent a sacrifice to redeem mankind from sin. That redemption brings restoration. That restoration means that I, little imperfect me, can now walk with God through the garden of my life. I can hear his voice when he calls my name and says come walk with me and lets talk. Ladies, this is the beauty of Christmas. Please don't get caught up in all of the trappings but pause and rest in the peace of restoration to fellowship with God our creator.
Thank You Lord for this most precious of all gifts.  

A Woman's Heart for her Children

I have to admit to some tears tonight. 
Since I was a young teen I knew that God had a place for me in ministry. What that would be I didn't know. I still don't know. It seems the important thing has been to be faithful to serve wherever we attend church. So I pray and ask for the right door to open. At this church I've held back a little. I don't know why. I have finally volunteered for one service a month in the children's church where my children attend. 
For a long time I thought my husband and I would be pastoring a church. Instead we have pastored individuals. I admit to being hungry to reach more people. I pray and believe that one of those individuals we have ministered to will become a pastor who reaches millions. Will we ever be in a position to bring God's love to the world at large?
Lord use me!
So why the tears you ask? Because our three older children we raised in church, talking about God and his love. We made sure they knew how to become a follower of Christ. What salvation means. We talked about grace being for all people. As they became teenagers and saw things that didn't line up with their ideas of christian living we talked about what bothered them. Explaining how each individual has a personal relationship with God. And how to pray that God meet each person right where they are at this point in time.
The tears are because it appears they have walked away from having a daily walk with the God they once were so proud of. The tears are because they are so full of God given talent and potential. My prayer tonight is different. It's not about me and the ministry I might have, it's about my children and the ministries they might have.


Holy Spirit, 
Comfort and heal the hearts of my children. Answer the hunger of their hearts. Fill them with Godly wisdom. I firmly believe that as we have brought them up to honor you Lord to the best of our ability, you will honor our hearts and your Word will not return void. They will be like trees planted by still waters. Bending but not breaking. My sons will be known as Men of God, men of integrity, honesty, wisdom, love. My daughters will be known as blessed Women of God, full of integrity, honesty, wisdom, love. They will be known for their ministry to others in the name of the Lord.
Thank you for honoring your Word and my heart.
In Jesus name - Amen


What does a Christian Woman look like? She cries and she prays for her children.

Adoption

So much has happened in the last few days. It feels like weeks have gone by.

Our special pearl of a woman, Aunt Irene, passed away and was buried. In the course of that event we found out that an uncle had also passed away several months ago. Another uncle is very ill and in the hospital. My husband is feeling the ties to his childhood fray as each strand wears thin and breaks. My heart grieves for him. I pray for him and bring up happy memories so that he can talk about those boyhood days, when all of these precious people were on the walls of his life. Now they have become more like the old family photos that are in the album you bring out from time to time. The rhythm of life beats on. Birth, Life, Death. It's current tempo is sobering, thought provoking.

On a more exciting note we celebrated Thanksgiving at our home. Lot's of good food. Lots of family. Games for all and an old fashioned hymn sing to finish off the day. Perhaps because of the reality of older family members passing on recently, this year seemed so much sweeter.

And then...the best news of all. We have a court date of Dec 21st to make our adoption of our little girl official! It's finally happening. I remember when she finally relaxed and trusted me. She was 7 months old and had a horrible ear infection. She was in so much pain even with the medicine. I sat up and rocked her all night long. It was late and she was so tired from crying. She raised herself up and looked me in the eyes. The agony and confusion on her face was heartbreaking. I started praying, asking God to ease her pain and heal her ears. Humming softly. All of a sudden she kind of nodded her head, relaxed her body and against me. The bond of trust and love that was forged that night is stronger than ever. How I thank God for trusting us with this precious little girl.
I watched her this Thanksgiving. Loving everyone around her. Involved. In the years since that night she has become very much a member of our family.

What does a Christian Woman look like? She is loving, flexible, attentive to the needs of those around her. She does her best to keep the rhythm life at a steady beat.

A Pearl Like No Other

I've been quiet for the last few days because life has been especially busy. In the middle of it all we received one of those phone calls no on likes to make or receive. My husbands aunt has passed away.
Aunt Irene was a spitfire! Tiny, red-headed, and BUSY. I first met her shortly after I married into the family. She and her sister, Aunt Ruth, came to visit their mother, Grandma Ola. Ruth was quiet and reserved, but Irene... The memories still make me smile.
Over the years I learned a little about her life. Which wasn't easy. There were family struggles growing up. A marriage that produced two sons. And ended in divorce. A home for boys. A long career with the California Parks Department. A new love who became her husband and new daughters that came with him. She brought her mother to come and live with her after she retired. Caring for her until her death. 
The last time I had the privilege of visiting with her she talked about that time she had caring for Grandma Ola at the end of her life. She was honestly grateful for the time God had given them. Time to talk and heal their relationship. It had suffered from misunderstandings and life tragedies almost from the beginning. I can only imagine what must have been going through her mind.  The thought of bringing her mother into her home, knowing she would have to care for her completely, with pain from past hurts still prickling between them had to be an unsettling undercurrent to all of the preparations that had to be made. I won't forget how her eyes and face softened when she spoke of the healing their relationship experienced as they spent long hours together, just the two of them.
My father in law passed away before any of his siblings and before Grandma Ola. Aunt Irene recognized the hole the death of my father in law left in our lives. She stepped up to keep us included/connected with the family. Christmas cards, letters through out the year, the occasional phone call. Always telling us what the rest of our far flung extended family was up to. Asking questions about our little family. Remembering what our children were doing and sending little things she would find that related to them. One year she heard that our older son was considering a career in politics but was also interested in ministry. She painstakingly put together a spiritual family history for him. We discovered that she had traced our spiritual heritage back at least five generations. Each generation having at least two who became ministers. What a priceless gem she gave us!
I am going to miss her notes. Always so neat. The last few years she had taken to penciling lines in her cards to make sure her writing was straight. She always cared. I've had cancer a couple of times and she would send little cards with notes of encouragement and prayers. She donated to the Gideon's Society in my name as a way of showing support.
Grandma Ola loved music and so did her children. And her grandchildren and great grandchildren. Aunt Irene played piano. She played for the "traditional" service at church and well, pretty much whenever she could. When she heard that our daughter was seriously pursuing music she started sending sheet music. That's how she was. Always encouraging. Some distant cousins have formed bands. She would send us emails with information on where we could find their music. As well as where they were performing. Always keeping everyone in the loop.
Her brother, Clifford, was interested in science and wrote extensively. She always supported him. Editing his papers and passing them along for our review. Always supportive.
The last time we saw her she gave us a couple of old photos of my father in law. She took my husband and I aside and gently shared some family history that we didn't know. She felt it was important that my husband know his father's history. As things turned out it was a good thing she took the time to do that. She also made sure we knew how my father in law found his faith in God. Taking care of that spiritual heritage.
Even though my mother in law has remarried, twice now, since my father in law passed away, Aunt Irene made it clear that she was still part of this family. Welcoming. Inclusive.
Through out every conversation I've ever had with her she wove her faith and her belief that healing, peace, reconciliation are there for all. Always praying for family members who may have strayed from their faith.
A pearl is created as the result of an irritant in the oysters shell. The oyster secrets fluid in an attempt to wash out the irritant. The fluid often sticks and hardens around the irritant and after a long time a beautiful pearl is formed. This is Aunt Irene. A woman who had some significant irritants in her shell that became the precious pearl reflecting her beautiful soul.


Thank you, Father God, for giving us the gift of Aunt Irene.
  


Matthew 5:


 ³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit, 
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn, 
   for they will be comforted. 
⁵ Blessed are the meek, 
   for they will inherit the earth. 
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, 
   for they will be filled. 
⁷ Blessed are the merciful, 
   for they will be shown mercy. 
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart, 
   for they will see God. 
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers, 
   for they will be called children of God. 
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, 
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Gossipers

As some of you may have noticed I wrote about a Pastor Friend who stumbled not too long ago. Her actions have led to some serious heartache for many people who looked up to her. The fall out is still unfolding and hurting. My heart aches for her.
As expected the gossip is flying. Why? What does it help? So you know someone who knows someone who is kind of friends with someone who knows someone who heard... Even if you are intimate with the details, what does it serve to share them in whispers to ears who don't need to know the details? Wouldn't you rather be known for the good that you do? Wouldn't you rather give the gift of a compliment? Encouragement? Instruction in doing good? 
Does this behaviour reflect the love that God's Word exhorts us to hold for each other? Does love behave this way?
I know that there is a temporary rush from sharing a piece of information that may not be common knowledge. That fleeting moment of importance. Unfortunately the moment passes. The impression you left is that you aren't to be trusted with confidential information. Yikes! Do you really want to be thought of like that?
Please I beg you, repent in the truest way. Turn from the gossip and spread words of comfort and healing. The tongue can kill and it can heal. What a mighty tool it is!

^{Proverbs 21:23
23}He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from troubles.

Leading by Example

My youngest daughter's birthday was last month. She is now 9 years old. For many reasons we didn't celebrate with her friends until this month. She finally decided on going to see a musical put on by a local middle school. She invited 8 of her friends. They had a wonderful time. Singing along and totally enjoying the show. Most of my daughter's friends don't speak English as their first language but there was no language barrier between them. Not because she speaks their languages, but because they were all so accepting of each other. I watched her as she greeted her friends with warm hugs. She naturally reached out to touch each one and spent time chatting with each of her guests. Their laughter was a beautiful song through out the restaurant.
I visited with parents who came to pick up their children and at one point I realized that my daughter was imitating me as she made her guests feel welcome and included. I was so proud of her!  
As Christian Women it is important to remember that our beliefs, our morals, our hearts are played out through our actions. Whomever is watching you, is being lead by you. 
Leading by example. Once you become aware that someone is truly watching you and learning from you and even perhaps imitating you the little things you do take on so much more importance. Do you drive the speed limit? Return the shopping cart? Put your trash in the trash can? Pay your bills on time? How do you treat the cashier at the store where you shop? Gossip about the people in your life? Do you cheat at anything? Ugh! Leading by example. The small things in life matter because someone is watching and following. Take a step back and look at your life. Where are you leading those who are watching you?

Titus 2:2-4

Amplified Bible (AMP)

²Urge the older men to be temperate, venerable (serious), sensible, self-controlled, and sound in the faith, in the love, and in the steadfastness and patience [of Christ].
    ³Bid the older women similarly to be reverent and devout in their deportment as becomes those engaged in sacred service, not slanderers or slaves to drink. They are to give good counsel and be teachers of what is right and noble,

    ⁴So that they will wisely train the young women to be ^[a]sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined) and to love their husbands and their children, 

Principle's in Action!

So today's situation was a bit challenging. I called and invited my daughter's In Laws To Be for Thanksgiving Day at our home. I was not aware that my daughter had planned to spend Thanksgiving Day with them. That was the first mix up. Suffice it to say that the whole thing devolved from there. Ugh! I was trying to do something good but ended up offending my daughter. Not my intentions at all. 
As a Christian Woman I really try to live the principles I find in God's Word. Principles that I believe are relevant and meant to guide our daily lives. And in the end those principles did save the day. The Mother In Law to Be called and we talked over the communication mix up. An invitation was extended to include them in future family gatherings. 
Bottom line is that I had the opportunity to apply those principles in a sticky situation. I reached out to this new family who are so important to my daughter's life. I was quick to apologize to my daughter. And I heard my Son in Law to Be's voice of reason.
Women your opportunity to lead by example happens everyday. Maybe several times in one day. Be sure of what you believe is God's way of handling life. Not sure what His way is? Let's read His Word together and find out!

Psalm 119:1-3

Amplified Bible (AMP)

Psalm 119

 ¹BLESSED (HAPPY, fortunate, to be envied) are the undefiled (the upright, truly sincere, and blameless) in the way [of the revealed will of God], who walk (order their conduct and conversation) in the law of the Lord (the whole of God's revealed will).    ²Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are they who keep His testimonies, and who seek, inquire for and of Him and crave Him with the whole heart.
    ³Yes, they do no unrighteousness [no willful wandering from His precepts]; they walk in His ways.

A Tale of Two Women

Since my last post two more women, both of them Christians aka Christ followers, have experienced life impacting changes. Both are women I count as friends. One woman had to make one of the hardest decisions of her life. Her husband has chosen to not live his life with her. She has walked the walk. Following God's Word as carefully as she possibly could. Being the best wife she knows how to be. He made some choices that have put him in a position of need. After much prayer she chose to not help him. The reasons why are many. Some are obvious and some are private. My heart cries for both of them.
The second woman has a husband who is a Christ follower like herself. She has been married before. Has children from other relationships. How she manages her marriage, from the outside, does not appear to follow the principles in God's Word for relationships. Her husband still chooses to honor his vows. My heart cries for both of them.
Both women are Christians. Followers of Christ. One strives to follow God's Word to make her marriage work and one chooses to put her efforts into other things.
My heart is heavy tonight as I contemplate marriages. My own hasn't always been pretty. But when I made the effort to search out how to become a Godly Woman, I began to become a Godly Wife. 
To be a Follower of Christ is to have a relationship with Christ. A relationship by it's very nature implies constant change or adaptation of myself to my partner. A relationship is a give/give situation. Even when we take, we must give back in return. Or else things get lopsided. Someone will grow tired of giving and someone will look for another place to take from. To be sure, there are times when things get lopsided due to life situations, but they must always come back to center. How do we stay centered? By staying in God's Word. Understanding that He alone is our source for everything we have to give.

2 Corinthians 13:10-12

Amplified Bible (AMP)

¹⁰So I write these things while I am absent from you, that when I come to you, I may not have to deal sharply in my use of the authority which the Lord has given me [to be employed, however] for building [you] up and not for tearing [you] down.
    ¹¹Finally, brethren, farewell (rejoice)! Be strengthened (perfected, completed, made what you ought to be); be encouraged and consoled and comforted; be of the same [agreeable] mind one with another; live in peace, and [then] the God of love [Who is the Source of affection, goodwill, love, and benevolence toward men] and the Author and Promoter of peace will be with you.
    ¹²Greet one another with a consecrated kiss.

A Leader Stumbles

I recently learned of another woman Pastor Friend who has experienced a lack of integrity which has caused significant pain for many, many people. To be sure the situation is not hers and hers alone. But because of her public role of leadership the damage has the potential of spreading much farther than I am sure she ever thought possible. My heart is heavy for her and everyone who is intimately involved. Yet even as I was hearing the news via letters written by herself and her husband my first thought was that God can and will restore anything we set at his feet and ask him to restore.
This is most definitely NOT what you expect from a Christian Woman, and yet we all sin. Every single one of us. How much grace does she deserve? Every last drop that I want for myself when I sin. 
Sin is sin in God's eyes. One sin is not less or more than the other. In man's eyes though: Murder is worse than stealing a candy bar. Rape is worse than gossip. A little white lie is acceptable. We forget that all sin has the potential to do extensive damage to those around us and it definitely impacts our own spirit. 
Should she be in a position of leadership again? Only time will tell. She and her husband are fantastic pastors.  How he handles this situation over time will answer that question.
To have a lapse of integrity that is life changing, then admit it knowing how serious the consequences will be is an admirable thing. When was the last time you admitted you had done wrong? Before you were called on it? 
My prayer for my Pastor Friend is that God bathes her with his Grace, Mercy and Love. That this situation will become a testimony to God's Grace, Mercy and Love. I pray that everyone who has been immediately affected by her actions experience the same Grace, Mercy and Love. I pray that relationships are healed and grow stronger than ever imagined. I pray that what could have destroyed so many lives, instead becomes a tool to inspire life in all who hear this testimony.
The last time I spoke to her was to thank her for leading by example. Again I say, Thank you Pastor Friend for leading by example.

Romans 8:38-39

Amplified Bible (AMP)

³⁸For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things ^[a]impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers,
    ³⁹Nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

A New Day :)

It's a new day. Thank you Lord for your mercies which are new every morning!


Well, if you read my last post you know that I was pretty upset with my husband. He came home from work and apologized and I of course forgave. I had already forgiven in my heart but it needed to be said out loud. 
God gets angry. People get angry. I think it's what you do when you are angry that counts. It's also important to understand what made you so upset. Then decide what to do about it. In my case I had to forgive. 
My husband doesn't have my skill set. Patience, thinking outside of the box when dealing with an upset child isn't easy. I'm not perfect but I seem to have an easier time with this than he does. There are things he can do that I find so very frustrating. And that is what makes our marriage work. Recognizing our individual strengths and weaknesses. Then bringing them together to form a cohesive team. 


Proverbs 2:13 
¹³He who covers his transgressions will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes his sins will obtain mercy.


And that is why we have to be careful to forgive, to not harbor ill will also known as sin. So is it ok for a Christian Woman to get angry with her husband? I'm thinking the answer is "yes". Just be careful to understand why you are angry so you can forgive and move on. You can't minister effectively to someone you are angry with. 


On a side note, I just finished a book that really has me thinking. And looking at my life in a different way. The book is "Walk the Walk" by Alan Deutschman. It is well worth your time.

Confession

Does a Christian Woman get angry with her husband? It makes me so stinking angry when he walks away while I'm still talking. It would be ok if he would say something. "Just a minute, I have to..." Would be just fine. Grrrrr. I'm still steamed. I try so hard to honor him and respect him.
To be fair we were trying to talk about our son. He has some problems that mean you have to be creative sometimes when you are working with him. My husband, at times, has a hard time thinking outside of the norm. And sometimes I get angry when I'm trying to present a solution that may prevent a future conflict and he blows me off. Does a christian woman behave this way?
^{Psalm 37: 8
8}Cease from anger and forsake wrath; fret not yourself--it tends only to evildoing.


Yes, Lord, I know. Don't stay angry.


Ladies, how do you deal with your anger? Does it matter who it is directed at? Or what the cause is? How do you resolve what you are feeling with what is happening? How long do you stay angry? I know, the Bible says to not let the sun go down on your anger, but is that always possible? Is it ok for a Christian Woman to get angry?

Perfection?

I had a wonderful time on our little vacation. Warm sun, relaxation, kids playing, husband golfing. Lord, forgive me for not stopping sooner to rest and celebrate you and your love all around me.

So I was thinking about the woman at church who is “perfect”. The one I am the extreme opposite of. You know her, she is petite, sweet, always calm, always kind, always perfectly dressed for the situation, carries a little bit of everything in her purse, eats perfect. She is never rushed, always smiling.

Sometimes I get upset because I am most definitely not like her. I am a fighter. I am not afraid to get in God’s face and remind him of his word and what he promises. I believe that trait in me has a lot to do with why I am alive. That and God’s mercy and love for me!

I work hard to advocate for my kids. I push/encourage those I care about to be the best they can be. I'm always encouraging them to use their gifts and talents. The only place I talk softly is in my witness to those I care about. Some would be hitting the ones they love over the head with God’s Word. I choose to live his Word through my actions. Ministering love and forgiveness in practical ways. I’m available when needed. Ready to help in any way I can. But I feel so unpolished. Is that wrong? Should a Christian woman really seek after that “polished” look? Please don’t get me wrong, I am neat and clean and I do get my hair done and occasionally I treat myself to a mani/pedi but not like the “perfect” woman at church. I feel that how I conduct myself reflects on my husband and family. Is this right or wrong? I don’t know. How much is too much? How much is too little? Does it really matter? What do you think?